About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
