Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
