Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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