Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
