I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
