is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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