I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
