Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
