this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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