You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
