Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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