My liver just broke up with me...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
