I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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