Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
