I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
