Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
