About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
false alarm, still single
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
