hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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