went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
