He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
