So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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