I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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