how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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