My room smells like vodka and shame
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
