my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
