it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
