she woke up with a sticky ear
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
