i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Quick, to the slutcave!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
