My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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