I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
