I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
