i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
