Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
