If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
