he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
