there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
