who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
