Just took my morning after pill in the library
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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