Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
