im about as happy as oj after his trial
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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