No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
