I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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