4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
