Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i will never coherently bang her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
