Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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