Your tits are I can't wait for
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
