I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
