So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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