Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
