I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
