Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
